If you’ve ever felt overstressed and overwhelmed by trying to keep up with your kids’ schedules, you may be experiencing parental burnout. As a single mom of three active kids, I sometimes feel like being a stressed mom is just a way of life.

You are not alone.

The bad news is that many stressed parents express feelings of depression and overwhelm that keep them from being the parent they want to be. This epidemic affects millions of American families, whether the mom is a working or stay-at-home mom.

The good news is: we can change this for ourselves. We don’t have to live life with parental burnout. We can make changes and support others in making the changes necessary to live a less stressed, less scheduled life.

how have We become overstressed Uber drivers taking our kids from one activity to the other?

I distinctly remember one afternoon during the pandemic when I was having a socially distant hang-out with my best friend from high school. Like me, she is a working mother with two young kids, and her pre-pandemic life was in constant motion. She would get up early to get the kids ready for school, get herself ready for work, and then, work 8 hours. She would return home to chauffeur kids from one activity to the next while planning/making a decent dinner, getting homework done, making lunches, and repacking book-bags for the next day. And then don’t forget the clean-up that is necessary each day to keep yourself from tripping over their sneakers in the hallway, toys on the floor, or the all too famous lego on a bare foot.

On this particular day, when we were discussing the state of the global pandemic, we had experienced weeks at home with our kids and no activities to run to. The school was now virtual and challenging to navigate while we kept up with our jobs, but we still couldn’t believe how distant that busy life felt. She turned to me and said, “I can never return to that life.” We thought the pandemic made a worldwide shift where people would discover that less actually is more.

Three years later, we are both so busy we hardly have time to see each other, and I maybe get to have coffee with her once every three months.

Busy and burnout are Not the same thing.

You can live a fast-paced life without overstressing yourself, but you must be very specific about how. Here are some tips that hopefully help you find the middle ground between doing nothing and doing too much. I’ve accepted the fact that life with three kids is busy. I will be in constant motion but can also stop and make time for myself. Here is how I do it:

First – Evaluate Your Schedule:

If you want to avoid parental burnout, you need to prioritize. Take stock of the events in your family life that have you on the run or take up most of your time. I have three kids, and I allow them to play one sport per season. In addition, they may have music lessons or religion classes, but they are limited to one sport and one extra-curricular activity. It can be a tough choice, but I am glad I’m also teaching my children to prioritize. I know the temptation is to give your child the best of everything, but do they need to be on a travel team at seven? And if you’ve got an exceptionally gifted athlete and want to get them on the most competitive team you can, your answer may be “yes.” So then I ask, how else can you cut back?

Next, how do you keep track of your schedule?

One thing that makes me feel the most parental burnout is when I am behind/late, or at the wrong event. I have shown up to tee ball at the wrong time and been to basketball practice on the wrong day. The feeling that you just ran around getting everyone and everything ready yet in the wrong place at the wrong time is deflating.
Also, keeping an eye on my schedule means I can plan ahead and make my days go more smoothly.

The best way is to use a calendar. I love having a calendar board in your home if you have older children so they can read it and know what they are doing each day, but keeping myself personally on task – I use the calendar app on my iPhone. I can share the calendar with my ex to coordinate who is taking which kid where. It can also be shared with my parents so Grandma doesn’t have to ask when the softball game is and where. It also allows you to create different calendars, all displayed on your screen. So, if I don’t want my ex to see my plans with a new boyfriend, he won’t, but I can keep it on my calendar and plan a fun event for myself.

Organize, Organize, Organize –

One minute spent organizing a system saves a mom 15 minutes on the go. When your schedule is tight, time lost looking for that one missing item (like my son’s left cleat) creates unnecessary stress. Create systems in your home and show your children where and how to keep things.

I use school lockers in my kitchen and a bench in the garage. The lockers are for their daily school things like backpacks and jackets, and with a Chromebook charging station I created for them, everything they need for school is in one place. They have to be reminded (often several times) to keep everything there, but after a while, they get it.

The bench in the garage stores their sports equipment for the current sport they play. Helmets, bags, cleats (both right and left), and anything they need for sports go on that bench when we get home and stay there until we need it again for the next day. Even a separate hamper for sports clothes is a good idea as your kids get older (and smellier). Keep it in the garage or laundry room so it doesn’t stink up their bedrooms. Refine your systems and setups as needed but teach your kids the routine and insist they stick to it. You’ll save yourself time and stress.

Lastly, practice saying “no”

Look, honestly, sometimes we can’t make it to practice because it would mean us running in too many directions without time for homework or dinner. Your life and the lives of your children need balance. We teach our children what’s important by showing them what we prioritize. In my opinion, a practice shouldn’t come before family time. Does that mean my kids don’t go to practice if it interferes with family dinners? No. But, it does mean that if I can’t find a way to ensure we have enough time at home to spend together, I need to cut back and restructure our days.

Running around town driving your kids to the things they love is a great way to be a supportive parent, but so is sitting with them and watching their favorite tv show. You don’t have to be on the go all the time to be a good parent. I hope this article helps you find balance and reduces parental burnout.

If this was helpful to you, read “How to Stop Being So Busy” for steps you can take to slow down and enjoy life.