I am very private (hence the anonymous blog), so I don’t like to write about my dating life.  However, keeping something hidden makes you more likely to misjudge or misunderstand it.  There is a reason truth is associated with light and secrets aligned with darkness.  Speaking your truth can feel like warm sunlight on your skin.  Keeping secrets, even harmless ones, can feel cold, lonely, and scary. Since the mission of this blog is to help other women like me by being authentic and real, then discussing my dating life and bringing my experience to light should be a part of the mission. I experienced something today that made me want to share with you all how I am learning to enjoy the single life.

At work today, I overheard my coworker, a happily married man of several years, call up a colleague leaving our office to say goodbye and wish the person well.  He said he was calling to make sure that they found each other that day to say goodbye in person because he didn’t want just to say goodbye over an email. Overhearing this one side of the conversation, I thought about how touched the person receiving the call must have been and how the men I dated would never do something like this.   

This is the exact opposite of the type of man you find on dating apps today. Why is that?

Are all of the caring and compassionate men in relationships? I find that to be an impossible truth. 

That coworker later saw me in the hallway, gave me a big smile, said hello, and teased me to try to get me to smile back.  I forced a smile because I was in no mood for a smile. He quickly realized this, and when he questioned further, and I said I was in an angry mood due to personal things, he apologized for teasing me and hugged me. I’ve known this man for nearly 20 years, and he is a friend and colleague, but we don’t hug regularly.  I don’t know many men like this. But I want to believe they are out there. 

And furthermore, in today’s culture, can you still be considered masculine if you are thoughtful and kind?

As a working single mother, I regularly joke with my girlfriends that since the divorce,  I have had to become more like a man.  I am both mom and dad, as I manage all aspects of the home inside and out. I have blown leaves, operated a pool, built a fire, fixed broken cabinets, and checked tire air pressure. Does taking on these more masculine duties make me less of a woman? Has it changed my perspective on men? 

Often, I ask myself if I could respect a man who cannot do everything I do.  I can cook a delicious meal and fix the dishwasher when it’s broken.  I do the food shopping and take out the trash. Essentially, I am both the man and the woman of the house. How do you find a partner when you don’t NEED one?  Does anyone partner up because they want to, or at this stage in life, do men only commit to attaching themselves to a woman who will take care of them?  

Popular dating advice is to find your happiness within yourself before dating anyone else, and I have to say that doing this significantly shrinks your dating pool. Maybe that’s a good thing, but it is also incredibly frustrating.  

One day, I hope to update this post with a note on how I found a man who is comfortable with the idea that I don’t need him. I found someone loving, kind, thoughtful, and masculine all at the same time.  I know men like this exist; I just hope one is single. 🙂

If any of this resonates with you, keep reading and loving where you are because the journey is always better than the destination.

Ways to Enjoy The Single Life:

Here is my advice on how to enjoy your single life because sometimes happiness comes with acceptance, and instead of trying to change things, adapt to see the beauty in life as it is.

Accept  that being single isn’t “wrong” and there is nothing wrong with you:

The status of Single, Divorced, and widowed all mean “alone.” But that doesn’t mean it can’t be “alone and happy.” I sometimes wonder if, and when I do enter into another relationship, I will miss this time as a single mom. After all, we often don’t appreciate things until they are gone. So, in that spirit, it is best to list what you enjoy about being single. 

Here is my list:

~I’m not in a toxic, scary, and hurtful relationship with someone I fear.

~I don’t have to consider what someone else wants for dinner or watch to watch on TV.

~I don’t have to share a bedroom, bathroom, or any space in my home with a man.  It is all mine, and I do what I want with it.

~I don’t have to check with someone else before I buy anything. I can spend as I choose. 

~ No one is here to judge me when I want to be lazy.

Get Social: 

We know this one, and it is good advice, but we don’t always want to take it. But, here’s the thing: just go.  You never know if you will have a great time or just an okay time, but sitting at home, you aren’t going to enrich your life, learn anything new, or laugh til your belly hurts. 

Pour into your friendships:

Your friends love and want to see you, even if you are a third (or fifth) wheel. I hate being the only one in a group without a mate, but I know it is just my insecurity.  Most wives and husbands don’t spend their time at parties together anyway. They are mixing with the other wives and husbands instead.

Find a creative outlet or hobby you truly enjoy:

Even for me, this silly blog project that maybe no one reads helps me.  I can express my emotions and sometimes feel like there is a potential for me to make a difference and help other people.  When you have an outlet and enjoy getting your creative juices flowing, you can manage the tough days better, and the hard emotions melt away. A hobby you can do alone will allow you to enjoy the single life more.

Have goals:

Life ends when you stop chasing your dreams.  Even if you are living your greatest dream, I am positive you can find something more to work towards.  This could be a passion project or personal development, or both.

But, set a goal and make a plan.  It keeps you moving forward and looking to the future.

I have learned from my divorce that deciding who to spend your life with is the most important decision you will ever make. This single relationship can truly shape your life. Embrace being single to ensure that you are only getting into a relationship when you are truly ready and feeling secure with your choice.

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