If you are reading this post, let me first say I’m sorry.  I know it sucks, and it hurts deeply.  The pain of heartbreak can be so awful that we will go to great lengths to avoid it.  We must learn to embrace and accept heartbreak as a part of life.  You see, the biggest mistakes of my life, the biggest time wasters, and the delays happened because I was trying to avoid heartbreak. With this in mind and not wanting my dear readers to suffer the same fate, I will give some tough love advice.  You may not want to hear it, but that’s precisely why you should. As a counselor and survivor, I will lay out my best advice on how to get over heartbreak.

Heartbreak can take many forms. Of course, we think of a breakup and the loss of love as the most prominent type of heartbreak, but other things in life break our hearts.  The pain of losing a loved one, leaving a job, friends or family moving away, or an unsuccessful attempt at a big dream or wish.  These life experiences can cause our hearts to hurt and make us feel broken. It would be completely unnatural to go through life without ever experiencing heartbreak. 

So, when faced with the inevitable broken heart, how do we best move beyond it? While I know it can be difficult, these next steps listed below will hopefully get you through a bit easier.

Feel Your Feelings

Acceptance is key here because denying your feelings will only delay your healing. Sometimes, it is easier to stay in motion and keep busy to stop yourself from feeling the crushing disappointment of heartbreak. If you are busy with many plates in the air, you may need to take time to be still with your emotions. 

Allow yourself to feel the disappointment of a dream not realized, but do not subscribe to All or Nothing thinking.  This heartbreak does not mean you will not achieve your goal.  A relationship breakup does not mean you will never find love again.  It means this wasn’t your person. And now you know and can move on and get closer to finding the one. 

A breakup is a great time for self-care. Take it in small doses by just washing your hair or getting a new haircut. Paint your nails or take a bath.  Small acts of kindness toward yourself help to elevate your mood, even in small ways. Journal, read, write or create. Feel your feelings, but don’t wallow in them. 

Stop Romanticizing The Past

When we are struggling with a loss or heartbreak, we can fall victim to the tendency to look at the past with rose-colored glasses.  The truth is that even if the relationship felt perfect and the breakup blindsided you, if things were so rosy, you wouldn’t be dealing with this heartbreak. 

To help yourself overcome this heartbreak, stop focusing on all of the good things you lost and start to look at what you didn’t like about the situation or person so that you can learn from this in future relationships. A realistic look at the good and bad will help you figure out how to overcome heartbreak.

Get Back to Doing “You”

What hobbies and activities make you feel happy? Whether this is a creative outlet or just time spent with family and friends, force yourself to do the things that are innately “you.” Spending quality time with people who love us reminds us of our value and worth. Creative hobbies or activities help to recenter us and reframe our thinking. 

The heartbreak you are trying to get over might have set you back from achieving a wish or goal, and that’s okay. The more whole you can feel by caring for yourself and your desires, the better way to move forward toward your dreams. 

Take The Lesson

I know; I hate this one, too.  It’s not easy to hear that a heartbreaking situation should be teaching you a lesson. When you are heartbroken, you don’t want to hear that there is a lesson in it for you.  You just want someone to come along and say that this was unfair and unjust and you deserve better.  Most likely, you deserve better, which may be precisely what this situation was supposed to teach you. 

Once you can get a little distance from the overwhelming heartbreak, take an introspective look at the situation. Did you give too much of yourself to the person or situation and neglect your desires or needs?  Did you hold back and guard yourself too much for fear of rejection? Or did you get wrapped up in romanticizing the situation, hoping it would be “perfect,” only to feel disappointment when you discovered it was flawed?  These questions may help you identify patterns of behavior that you will need to address if you want to learn how to get over heartbreak.

Talk to Someone

As a counselor, I will advocate for speaking with a professional therapist when needed.  However, not every heartbreak necessitates professional help. You may need to talk to someone who truly knows and gets you. This trusted person could be a best friend, mentor, or family member who supports you and wants to listen. You may take their advice, which could be helpful, but most of all, people dealing with heartbreak need someone to listen to and nurture them. Someone who can remind you that you always have a person to lean on and are not alone is a great friend. 

And if you find yourself struggling with deeper, more permanent thoughts of despair or hurting yourself, please do seek out help from a professional. You can find resources in my free pdf “How to Overcome a Personal Crisis” and the post “How to Know if Therapy is Right for you.”

Get Active

There is a huge correlation between physical and mental health.  Even a 20-minute walk will get some mood-lifting dopamine flowing in your brain. It is also a way of taking care of yourself and valuing your health, reminding you of your commitment.  

Get active with an activity you enjoy, and you will double your mood-lifting effects and have some fun.  I like to listen to music when I walk, and depending on my mood, different songs appeal to me at other times.  

Listed below are songs for the different stages of dealing with a heartbreak. Try them out and comment below with your heartbreak songs to share with other readers.

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Breakup Songs for When you want to feel Angry:

• Olivia Rodrigo: Good 4 U
• Taylor Swift: I Forgot That You Existed
• Kelly Clarkson: Since You’ve Been Gone
• The All-American Rejects: Gives you hell.
• Justin Timberlake: Cry Me a River
• Carrie Underwood: Before He Cheats

Breakup Songs for When You Feel Sad:

• Boyz II Men: End of the Road
• Adele: Someone Like You
• Taylor Swift: All Too Well
• Lady Gaga: Million Reasons

Breakup Songs For When You Are Ready to Move On:

• Maren Morris: GIRL
• Destiny’s Child: Survivor
• Ariana Grande: Thank U, Next
• Pink: All I Know So Far
• Taylor Swift: …Ready for It?
• Lizzo: Am I ready (2 be loved)?

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