It’s the middle of the pandemic lockdown of 2020, and I’m sitting outside with my best childhood friend. It is a rare moment when we can appropriately socially distance and catch up.  We are talking about the current state of the world and land on the topic of how nice it is to just be at home with the kids.  Despite all of the terrible fears and struggles the lockdown created, it also produced this beautiful moment for us where we realized that life prior to this was ridiculously busy.  We openly discussed how, now that we see what life was like when we slowed down, we could never go back to being that busy again. Ironically, the pandemic forced us to learn how to stop being so busy.

Fast forward three years, and nearly all of my middle-aged mom friends are regularly talking about how ridiculously busy they are. Their kids’ activities keep them running in a hundred directions, and they wish they could stop being so busy.  We complain about it as if we didn’t do it to ourselves. As if we didn’t sign our kids up for three different sports at a time, took on an extra job or side hustle to pay for these extra activities, and wondered why we couldn’t get to the basics of cleaning and cooking.

The planning, the organizing, the scheduling, and preparing…

I am NOT telling you that I live some totally zen lifestyle and don’t get busy and stressed ever. I am telling you that although life can get busy, I prioritize slowing down. My strategy is to embrace the idea that being unproductive is not lazy but rather a balance and recovery method essential to a well-rounded life. 

I’ve been so fascinated with this phenomenon of the overscheduled life that I’ve observed a few things.  If you like this life and want to wear it as a badge of honor – that your kids are so multi-talented that you MUST put them in a million activities – go ahead and do your thing, but this article isn’t for you.

If you are like me in that you want to give your kids the benefits of organized sports and develop their passion and talent but also believe in a balance of downtime, family time, and quiet, I hope you find these observations helpful.

Why I Want to Stop Being So Busy:

18 Summers.

When my daughter turned nine, it occurred to me that half of her childhood had already passed.  I work in a school, so summers are a magical time. It is when the kids and I are home together without the constraints of a schedule and are free to enjoy all of the summer shenanigans we want.  We make great memories and bond more in summer than at any other time of the year. I only get 18 summers with my children, and since they are of various ages, there are fewer summers in which we will all be at home together before my oldest leaves the nest.

It isn’t fair to only cherish one season and spend the other ten months of the year wishing for summer. I am in the golden years of my children’s lives, where they are old enough to be independent and young enough to want to hang out with me.  I’m not wasting that special time driving them to a million activities, constantly rushing, all the while wishing for the weekend so I can get some much-needed rest. 

The Impact on My Children

I have a good guess as to how children who are used to being busy will be as adults….excessively busy.  Busy does not mean productive or successful.  You don’t have to be in constant motion with a thousand items on your to-do list in order to have value.

Children who don’t learn to slow down or be bored will never benefit from these conditions.  Were you ever so bored as a kid that you made up a game in your head?  Or have you daydreamed about something wild and wonderful?  

As a kid, I learned so much about people and myself just riding bikes in my neighborhood.  I learned how to face disappointment after I knocked on a friend’s door and was told they couldn’t come out to play.  I learned how to explore the woods and new places with a group of friends.  That independence and autonomy are missing from the childhoods of today’s kids. We schedule and control their every social interaction through organized sports and activities. I want my children to learn how to stop being so busy.

I have hobbies and goals, too.

Since when is it okay to just be a driver and scheduler for your kids?  Why did we normalize this?  Because it’s easier to push our children to achieve their dreams than to chase after our own.  In truth, the best way to teach your children how to chase their dreams is to show them just what that looks like. 

If you want to slow down and live a life of balance between keeping your children involved in things they love to do while also having quality family time and time for yourself, the good news is that it’s possible.  The bad news is that you will have to make some changes, and not everyone will like them.

How to Stop Being so busy:

Start by having a conversation with your spouse or partner and then a family meeting. 

Discuss how you’ve been feeling and ask if anyone else feels the same exhaustion and stress you do.  You might be surprised at their answers. The ultimate goal here would be to help each other learn how to stop being so busy.

Make a plan to reduce your scheduled activities. 

This could be making your children choose one sport or activity per season. They can do that all year if they are particularly gifted at one sport.  Limit the extra training and one-time clinics.  College-level and professional coaches will tell you that a real athlete can play just about any sport.  As parents, we have been told that your child has to pick their sport when they are young. They don’t have to play at the highest and most competitive levels from a young age to guarantee future success.  The truth is that only a small percentage of high school athletes obtain any significant college scholarship.

Your goal for your children in sports should be to develop their character and enhance their social life.  Learning to work on a team at a young age is a valuable lesson. This same lesson can be learned by playing on one team at a time instead of three. 

Learn to say “no”.

We need volunteers. Those parents who run the PTO are incredibly valuable to their community, but that doesn’t have to be you.  You can volunteer for one event or, better yet, send a donation. Look for ways to contribute that don’t leave you feeling drained and overextended. And practice these incredibly liberating statements:

1. I’d love to help, but I have other obligations, 
2. I am willing to do “x” if this is helpful to your cause, 
3. This timing doesn’t work for me, but please keep me in mind for future events. 

Where can you get help?

One of the reasons I am often overstressed is that I stubbornly want to do everything myself. I don’t like asking for help. When I have gotten help, either volunteered by a friend or someone I hired, I have always been grateful for it. If you hate asking for help, look for ways to get help that reciprocates with people in your life.

My neighbor and I often carpool for our kids’ events as often as possible. It removes half of the driving for both of us, and the kids enjoy having a friend along for the ride. It’s a win-win. Don’t be shy about setting up these situations with friends. They will be glad you asked.

You are the creator of your own reality.  You are not a victim of this busy life and can make changes to slow down. We can learn how to stop being so busy. Stillness can scare some people. If you have a feeling that you may be keeping busy to avoid dealing with a certain situation in your life, it may be time to look at that more closely. 

(And read this post on What To Do When You Feel Lost.)

Make a list of all of the things you would like to do with the extra time you create. And if they don’t involve being at home, relaxing, or taking care of your own needs, cross them off the list. 

Please comment below with the methods you use to find balance in your life or how you use your free time. Let’s show our children what balance looks like and give them the gift of a well-rounded life.

Recommended Reading on How to Stop Being So Busy from My Amazon Affiliate link: