I’m a self-improvement junkie.  There, I said it.  Taking ownership feels good.  I don’t share this fact about me with anyone I know.  It’s my dirty little secret.  My YouTube watching history contains personal development videos, meditation I never do, diet and exercise advice, and tarot card readings.  One thing I am trying to get better at is coping with a temporary setback.

I know I’m not alone out here.  Where are my other personal development addicts?  

Inspirational social media has a cult-like following, and that equals big business.  This media storm of filters and influencers creating fake perfect personas puts pressure on their audience in hopes of becoming rich and famous.  These videos show how their makeup is flawless, their homes are impeccable, and their children are perfect angels. They have life all figured out, so that’s why we should follow their life advice.

But here’s the thing: What is our quest for self-improvement really about?  Is my goal to be a perfect person with monk-like calmness who never yells, eats junk food, or fails at anything?  Social media would make us think this ridiculous ideal is attainable. 

Is The self-improvement Genre helping me improve my life?  

In the same way, we are taught to treat our physical health, we need to curate what information we digest and evaluate its impact on our mental health.  I want to fill my mind with only healthy self-improvement ideas and not dine on the internet junk.  How many times have you fact-checked something you saw on social media? Did you purchase a product they recommended and regret it when the results were less than stellar?

We need to remember that everything on social media is an attempt to sell us something, and instead, we should rely on researched theories and practices to improve our lives.

As I sit here dining on Doritos and coffee, it’s alarmingly clear that I sometimes treat my mind like my body; I comfort it with junk.  When I’m down on life and exhausted from my latest temporary setback, watching that YouTube Tarot Card Reader that tells me my dreams will come true in the next week (or the next month or year) makes me feel good.  Having a stranger on the internet tell me that my “abundance is coming in” is the same as eating Doritos.  My uncomfortable feelings of anxiety (or hunger) are thwarted by something that doesn’t just satiate; it delights.  

Take these Doritos, for example. I am trying to eat healthily and spent hours meal-prepping this past weekend – only to throw all that hard work away on a bag of Doritos. I am feeling emotional over my latest disappointment and just want something that will immediately make me feel better. It’s an instant gratification pick me up.

I would typically look at this moment as another example of failure.  And, I would beat myself up for not being strong enough to stick to a diet and continue on an eating binge that would leave me feeling guilty for days.  

Now, I can see these Doritos as just Doritos and not the symbol of all my failures and faults.  They are a temporary setback.

Maybe I can just say, “I ate some Doritos, and the world didn’t end.” I should eat a little less this afternoon, but my life is not over just because I didn’t stick to “the plan.”  Social media influencers leave no space for the messy side of life, and it’s doing all of us consumers a huge disservice. 

Thinking about the Doritos like this surprisingly makes me want them less.  I’m going to put them away (okay, I ate one more, then put them away).  But I no longer need them like they were this forbidden fruit of desire.  

I may need to look at all of my goals this way.  Maybe if the guy I’m seeing doesn’t turn out to be “the one,” that’s okay; he doesn’t have to be.  If my next article doesn’t get published, I’ll be alright; I can try again.  I yelled at the kids today when I could have been more patient; I’ll apologize and try again tomorrow.  It’s better that they see me struggle and try. I don’t want them to feel they need to live up to the “perfect mom.”  

Today’s lesson: Let failure in. 

Give it a seat at the table and say, “Thanks for being here.”  Because without failure, life would be boring as hell (and there would be no delicious Doritos). 

Key Takeaways:

• Stop believing in the impossible ideal you see on social media.
• Have patience with yourself. You are a work in progress.
• Put every setback in the context of reality. It is just temporary.
• Read and Listen to researched and genuine mental health advice only.
• Embrace failure. There is a lesson in it for you.

Suggested Reading:

If the failures and setbacks you are dealing with have grown bigger and you feel like you are in crisis, Read our plan for How To Overcome Personal Crisis.

And remember to subscribe to the LHCH Newsletter, where I give out my Friday Favorites each week directly to your inbox.